sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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