I can text with my tongue
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
