found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
