I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize