i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
