She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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