Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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