Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
