You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
