dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
