Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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