there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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