Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
