Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
