Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
