Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
