I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
