Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize