hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
