Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
