part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
