you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
