Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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