there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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