Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
