PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
