I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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