What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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