I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
