honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
