Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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