Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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