Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Randomize
