that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You are the jesus of drinking
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
