only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
