3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
nutella sex= disaster
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize