$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
