Having a random hookup so left but love u
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
