Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
