Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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