btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
