were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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