Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Found the puke drawer
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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