I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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