you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
