If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
