I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
