I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
