Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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