Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
