the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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