Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
