Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
