There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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