I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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