Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
