We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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