hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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