forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
